I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
