This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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