We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
