How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
wow bdsm is so cute
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
