If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
