Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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