i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
