How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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