He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
