My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
