I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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