hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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