I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
there is glitter all over my balls
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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