i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
