true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
