he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
