I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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