I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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