So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
