Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
