one two three fourrrrnication!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
