I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
