I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
