so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
