u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize