so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
