how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
