yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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