did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
