just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
