So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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