I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
