Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize