watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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