sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
