So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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