The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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