It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
