I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize