it was like his penis was on wheels.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize