Buhtt sex?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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