I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You have to summon your inner elephant
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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