And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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