The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
