Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
