i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He passed out mid-signature
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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