I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
