OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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