I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
