FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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