see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
