it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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