Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize