im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
