I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
