I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
