I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
