ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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