Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
ttyl tear gas
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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