So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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