wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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