I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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