I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
