If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
