First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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