dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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